February 2011
153 posts
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No matter how rich and famous you are, you're...
I love these two.
January 2011
119 posts
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kitziebitziespider:
Zuckerberg
Eisenberg
Samberg
Iceberg
Dinkleberg
DINKLEBERRRRRRG.
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“I want you teabaggers out there to understand one thing: while you idolize the...”
– Bill Maher (via leftish)
I never have to wonder where I get my personality.
Mom: *Bitching at me about nothing*
Me: *Shuts her down*
Mom: You know, you and your father could have come to dinner without me.
Dad: Hey, I was just thinking the same thing!
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Bahahahaha
facethedawn-:
Attention future husband:
Please expect a pair of these bad boys:
An Atheist Professor of Philosophy was speaking to...
Professor: You are a Christian, aren’t you, son?
Student: Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Professor: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Professor: My brother died of cancer, even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn’t. How is God good, then? Hmm?
(Student was silent)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you? Let’s start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Professor: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Professor: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From.. God.
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes.
Professor: So who created evil?
(Student didn’t answer)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immortality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them?
(Student had no answer)
Professor: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son.. have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your God.
Student: No, sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God, for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Professor: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, Science says your God doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my Faith.
Professor: Yes, Faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as Heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as Cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student: No, sir, there isn’t.
(The Lecture Theatre became very quiet with this turn of events)
Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 Degrees below Zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of Heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was a pon-drop silence in the Lecture Theatre)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student: You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have Low Light, Normal Light, Bright Light, Flashing Light… But if you have No Light constantly, you have nothing and it’s called Darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, You would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is, your Philosophical Premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the Premise of Duality. You argue there is Life and then there is Death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the Natural Evolutionary Process, yes of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed Evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going)
Student: Since no one has ever observed the Process of Evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a Scientist but a Preacher?
(The class was in uproar)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? .. No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable and Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on Faith, son.
Student: That is it, sir.. exactly! The link between man and God is Faith. That is all that keeps things alive and moving!
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That student was Albert Einstein.
Brilliant.
Beautifully done.
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wow, this was really albert einstein? had no idea he if believed in anything at all. when stories become about real people don't they hit so much harder?
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Thankfully he grew out of that phase:
"The word god is for me nothing more than the expression and product of human weaknesses, the Bible a collection of honourable, but still primitive legends which are nevertheless pretty childish. No interpretation no matter how subtle can (for me) change this."
- Albert Einstein, in a letter responding to philosopher Eric Gutkind, who had sent him a copy of his book Choose Life: The Biblical Call to Revolt
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So this is what receiving good news about work...
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Finally got around to watching "Easy A"
IT WAS GREAT.
It was really witty and sarcastic, which if you don’t know, is kind of my thing.
And it made fun of religion a lot, which is one of my favorite free-time activities:
Also, if I should ever be a parent, I want to be like Olive’s:
Hilarious.
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Impulse created a Netflix account last night.
My queue so far:
Why liquor stores closing at 9 pm in Oklahoma is...
Me: I hate having to work past nine.
Boss: Why?
Me: Because I can't get to the liquor store. I drank the all my wine last night. Well, (best friend) had half of the bottle and I had the other half. With chocolate chip muffins.
Boss: Is that all you and (best friend) do? Get drunk and bake?
Me: ...DON'TYOUJUDGEUS!!
Thanks Webtender...
I’m so low on liquor (read: I only have white wine and Cointreau) that Webtender actually suggested I make lemonade.
LEMONADE.
Like, not-alcoholic, kids-can-drink-it lemonade.
Seriously??
Warning: Me Being A Special Fucking Snowflake... →
blodwynn:
I won’t respond to this in the article because I know I’m not actually a special fucking snowflake, but this bothers me. I hate that whenever someone says they had a good college experience, people feel the need to shit on it. Likewise, I hate pointing out that for some people college really is a rewarding environment because I feel like it discounts their experiences.
I’m lucky that...
“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be...”
– Steve Jobs (via nedhepburn)
Come home soon, Steve. We miss you.